Think about a brand you’ve been loyal to for a long time. It could be sneakers, a payment app, a clothing brand, or even something as simple as toothpaste.

Now ask yourself this: why are you loyal to that brand? Is it because you genuinely love the brand? Or is it because it fulfils your needs just the way you want?

You stay with that brand because you are never forced to question your choice. It works the way it should, the quality is consistent, and nothing goes wrong in a way that forces you to reconsider. Over time, comfort, not love, is what creates loyalty.

The same principle applies to relationships. You don’t stay with a partner long-term because every day feels romantic. You stay because life with them works. They understand how you are, give you space when you need it, support you when things are hard, and don’t disappear when you’re not at your best.

Just like with brands, loyalty in relationships grows from comfort, safety, and consistency. And yes, we do appreciate it when the brand surprises us occasionally with a free upgrade or a thoughtful message. Similarly, we love being surprised with a thoughtful gift on special occasions. Those gestures remind us that we’re seen and valued.

Problems begin when we start expecting those moments to be constant. It’s human nature to seek excitement and novelty, and to overlook the routine parts of life. We’re uncomfortable with routine. With ordinary lives. And that discomfort often makes it hard to settle into a relationship.

And this doubt you sometimes feel in your relationship is not just you. It’s shaped by the culture we live in. We’re constantly told to chase passion and excitement, and to leave behind things that feel ordinary. In this environment, it's easy to mistake comfort for stagnation, and stability for settling.

The real risk is that if you never question this culture, you can spend your life searching – restless, moving from one relationship to another, always chasing something that feels just out of reach. And one day, you realise that life has passed, and what you were looking for never arrived.

You never got a shot at a life of comfort, security, and peace – with a partner you could have opened your heart to without the fear of judgement. Someone you could take for granted, someone you could fart in front of, without embarrassment.

I can go on and on but I would stop here and tell you this - Love is not a one-night stand. It is not just about intensity, novelty, or how exciting things feel in the moment. It is a long, patient decision to stay when the night is over and ordinary life begins.

So when you think about your relationships – past, present or future – ask yourself this: Are you looking for constant excitement, or for comfort and stability?